


Free (But never from you)

by MuchOTPSuchShips



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, F/F, Getting Back Together, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Prison, Prison
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-17
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2019-06-28 22:52:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15716742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MuchOTPSuchShips/pseuds/MuchOTPSuchShips
Summary: Lena Luthor gets out of prison after one and a half year. With no where to go and no money, she goes to the only (and last, if she had a choice) person she can: her ex, Kara Danvers.Just finished s6 of oitnb and it gave me some idea, so there you go.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I actually don't know anything about the juridic system of the US (or any country for that matter) so please forgive me if I say some absolute bullshit on terms of the law and prison and all.

"So, finally getting out, huh?"

"Yes, sir."

"How long has it been actually? No one told me,"

"A year and six months, sir."

"Damn, went by fast, seems like only yesterday you walked through those doors all handcuffed like a true maniac. Your mother really wanted to make sure you got here, huh?"

"I suppose so, sir."

"See, that's what I always liked about you, always so polite. Sure you had your less than friendly days but you always kept your mouth in check with us gards, we really appreciate that."

"Thank you, sir."

"Right, so you've got an address to go to?"

_No._

"Luthor? You've got to give me an address or we can't let you go."

"Right, sorry. I do. Have somewhere to go, I mean."

"Good, and make sure to stay there for at least four months before moving so we can still check up on you if needed, alright?"

"Yes, sir."

The handcuffs unlocked, a gesture so much more significant to an inmate than a CO. Lena walked out the main doors of the prison, breathing in the October air as deeply as her lungs would allow it.

_Well, she owes me at least this..._

________

The taxi dropped Lena in front of the apartment building just as the clouds started to darken in the sky and the first droplets of rain fell on National City.

_I shouldn't have come here._

She stepped in the lobby, breifly checking the mailboxes to make sure it was in fact the right place and that she hadn't moved somewhere else.

_I shouldn't have come here._

She got in the elevator, pressing the button for the 3rd floor, quickly glancing at her reflection in the mirror. She really needed a real shower that didn't last mere seconds and with only extreme temperatures and an actual night of sleep without twenty other women snoring or crying around her. She looked paler than usual, tired, and simply defeated even if she should at least force herself to be happy. The clothes she had received to replace her gray prison uniforms were a scratchy and a size too big for her thin figure. 

_I shouldn't have come here._

She got out of the elevator, walking through the hallway, her whole body on automatic. Her mind and heart racing. She brought her finger to the doorbell.

_I shouldn't have come here._

Her finger pressed against the doorbell. Through the door she could her the muffled ring and some shuffles, followed by footsteps coming closer and closer. 

_It's not too late, I can still run away, hide somewhere, hell I can go back to prison, tell them keep me, I've got nowhere to go I can still just-_

Oh.

_I really shouldn't have come here._

The door opened, and behind it appeared the sun itself, Kara Danvers, in all her glory. Lena never thought she could find her more beautiful than she used to but the blond proved her wrong, her wavy blond hair seemed longer, her smile brighter, she just seemed shinier. That sun who was clearly expecting someone that was definitely not Lena.

"Hey, you're early that's new-! Oh." 

Kara's voice deflated from a surprised excitement to barely above a whisper, her face immediately morphing from a bright and welcoming smile to one of quiet shock, like someone who'd just receive bad news. Lena couldn't really blame her.

"L-lena, I uhm hi, I... Wow, I definitely didn't expect to see you here," She said, rubbing her hand on the back of her neck, her eyes looking everywhere but at Lena, a gesture Lena knew to be a sign of her discomfort.

"Yeah, I can see that." Lena said, nodding hesitantly.

They stayed in an awkard silence for a bit before speaking at the same time.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

"Would you like to-"

Kara gestured for Lena to go first after another awkard pause and hand gestures from the blonde. Lena sighed.

"I'm sorry I don't even know why I came here, you're obviously expecting someone," Lena said, breifly taking in Kara's clothes, a pair of tight white pants and a dark blue blouse with the sleeves rolled up to the elebows that just showed off how illegal her arms were, "and I don't want to disrupt your date, so yeah I'm sorry and uh, I'll go now." 

Lena forced herself to smile, even for a second, nodded as a way of goodbye and turned around before leaving Kara a chance to reply. She was stepping away but a warm and firm hand on her bicep stopped her.

"Lena wait, please. I'm sorry about my reaction, I just... I didn't think you'd come here after getting out so I really didn't think I'd see you that soon, or at all, if I'm being honest... But I'm glad you're here, really, so uhm, come in? Please?"

_Don't look at me like that. You don't get to look at me like that, with those pleading eyes of yours and your sad face as if you actually care. You don't get to do that anymore, not after what you did._

Even so, Lena thought it over, she really did need a place to stay and if the prison came to check up and she wasn't at the address she'd given, it would land her ass right back into prison.

Four months. That was all. Four month of torture and she could just walk away and forget all about it after she got her life back on track. Right.

"Sure, okay, thanks..." Kara smiled warmly at her. 

_Stop, please. For my sanity._

"Great, thank you. And also uhm, it's not, I mean it wasn't a date, just um helping some one from work, with well, work, duh." Kara cleared her throat, an attempt at shutting herself up.

They stepped inside the apartment and the door closed behind them.

_God, why did I come here?_


	2. Chapter 2

"So... How are you?" Kara asked, finally breaking the silence that had settled over them. They were sitting on the couch, each with their own mug of hot chocolate Kara had prepared. She had quickly sent a text to her 'work friend' to let her know that something had came up and they'd have to reschedule.

Lena sighed, shaking her head.

"Look, Kara, I'm going to be brutally honest here. I didn't come here for small talk or to catch up or whatever. I'm here because this is the only place I could think of to come, because I've got no money whatsoever and because I need time to get back on my feet. I'm just asking for four months here then I'll get out of your hair, okay? I'll pay you back for food and everything when I get back on my feet, okay?"

She ran her hand through her hair, reminding herself she desperately needed a shower. Kara looked at her for a bit, confused, pitiful. Lena hated it.

"Lena what- you can stay here however long you want alright? And you don't owe me anything, I'm just glad to see you..." Lena laughed at that, a full on, throw your head back laugh.

"Right I'm sure you are, especially after all those visits and those phone calls, no doubt about that, right? Oh, wait no, because that never happened, right Kara? You never actually answered my calls, you never came to visit, you didn't even send me a letter to tell me to fuck off!" Lena was standing now, her voice had risen far above normal speaking level.

"Lena, please-" 

"Don't. Just don't. I knew coming here was a fucking mistake."  Lena walked away from the couch and back towards the door, grabbing her coat and shoes on the way.

"Lena stop, please. You said it yourself, you need to stay four month here. We don't need to be friends or even talk to each other but I'd still feel much better if I knew you were safe. I know I wasn't the best girlfriend when this whole mess started or even a good person, but please you have to understand,"

Lena turned back around, walking at a fast pace towards Kara, pointing at her accusatively.

"I think you're the one who doesn't understand, Kara. I was in that hell hole for a month before I finally got the news someone had come to visit, naturally, I though it was my girlfriend who finally came to talk to me. But no. There was Lillian, gloating about how she finally got rid of me, for a while at least. But she also brought me news of the outside, how you forgot me in under a week with a random girl in a bar, or better yet, how you testified against me! And for what Kara?! Money?!"

Lena was full on yelling straight in Kara's face now, almost touching. She couldn't care less, she had held back for too long. When Kara didn't say anything, just stood there, shocked, Lena pushed her backwards. Just a shove on her shoulders, wanting a reaction, something, anything. Kara could very well stand up to Lena strength wise, but she allowed herself to be pushed back a step.

"Lena I-I never... I never accepted her deal... Yes she offered it to me, many times, always raising the price but I never- I never would've done that to you..." She sounded so broken. Her voice was soft, it sounded so sad, so horrified that Lena would actually believe that she could do that. Blue eyes were searching Lena's cold face, begging the brunette to believe her.

"That's why I couldn't contact you, after I refused one too many times and you were already in prison she told me I shouldn't try to contact you, ever, or she'd make my life a living hell, send me to prison as well or destroy me financially. I didn't have a choice then, but Lena you have to believe me, I never took her deal to testify. Please..."

Kara reached up with her hand, tentatively bringing it to Lena's cheek. When Lena didn't move away, a gentle hand carresed her cheek, oh so softly. Kara's fingers running delicately over her jaw, thumb tracing over her cheekbone. Lena clenched her jaw at the contact but didn't move away, not for a while at least. After a moment, too short or too long, she moved away, muttering under her breath how she needed a shower and walked towards the bathroom. 

Kara handed her a clean towel as well as a sinfully comfortable t-shirt and sleep shorts. Lena heard her saying that she could take her bed and Kara would sleep on the couch, too tired to argue Lena just nodded. When at last she stepped in the shower, she allowed her emotions to flood her just as the hot water cascaded on her.

_She didn't do it. She didn't do it and I still yelled at her. I took it all out on her. Goddammit Luthor you are the shittiest human being, of course she wouldn't do it, she wouldn't hurt a fly and she never cared for money anyways. Idiot. She's definitely going to hate me now if she didn't before. God all the trouble she got into because of me._

_She didn't say anything about the girl from the bar though._

_Could be another lie from Lillian._

_Then Kara would've said something, no?_

_Maybe._

_Probably._

_Goddammit._


	3. Chapter 3

When Lena woke up the next morning, it was to an empty apartment, something that should've been expected when Lena looked at the alarm clock and saw it was past noon. Lena layed in the large bed for a while after she woke up, enjoying the thick and comfortable mattress, fluffy pillows and soft sheets, quite the change from the cardboard like beds she had endured the last 18 months.

She reluctantly dragged herself to the kitchen after some time, her cravings for real coffee winning over the bed. She grabbed a mug, turned on the coffee machine and took an apple from the fruit plate. Only when she sat down did she notice the note on the table, Kara's easily recongnized writing on it.

_Good morning Lena (or afternoon, depending on which time you wake up at), anyways, I hope you slept well and that you feel better._

_I left some money on the counter so you can get yourself some food or anything else you might be missing, feel free to use whatever you need and please make yourself at home. I'll be back from work at roughly 6:30pm._

_K.D. :)_

Lena went to the counter, grabbing the money that was on it. 75$. More than enough for food though she wasn't hungry, but not much for some new clothes she would need after Lillian took everything.

_Oh just shut it, I'm lucky Kara would even leave that money for me, considering I was a major ass to her yesterday and she doesn't even owe me anything since my mother lies like she breathes._

She finished her breakfast, took another shower, desperate to wash off the prison feel, and sat on the couch in front of the TV.

The couch Kara had slept in. The pillow and thin blanket she'd used folded and put to the side. Lena sat on the opposite side, putting on some kind of show to watch to pass the time, she would look for a job later, now she just needed a break.

If she wrapped herself in the blanket and hugged the pillow tight halfway through the third episode, it was simply because she was cold. (Or maybe so she could pretend she was finally receiving the hug she'd been longing for)

She left the couch to look through the cupboards for something to eat and roughly 5pm, the sun starting to sink to the horizon. She found some bread and shredded cheddar cheese and opted for the simplest option, grilled cheese. She was looking for a pan when something caught her eye. A bottle. A bottle of Scotch to be exact. Most likely Alex's since Kara didn't drink.

Lena stood there for a while, engaged in her stare off with the mostly full bottle.

_No._

_Yes._

_Later._

_Food first._

_Fine._

She took the bottle as well as a glass, put them on the table, trying to ignore the temptation while she ate. She cleaned her dishes and put them all away where she'd found them, then sat back down. The bottle mocking her.

She poured herself a glass, sipping slowly so she could enjoy it properly. But the glass was finished too quickly, so she poured herself another one, smaller though, had to be responsible. That one emptied itself too fast as well, so she just abandoned the glass in favor of drinking from the bottle. After enough sips, her mind started wandering again, going back to the situation she found herself in, how she didn't deserve anything Kara was doing for her, how wrong Lena had been.

_She still never denied that hookup or whatever right after I got in prison._

A sip.

_And come on, does she think I'm an idiot? Her 'friend from work' coming over and it not being a date? My ass._

A sip.

_What if she was lying about not taking Lillian's deal? Why else would she be helping me if not because she took part in sending me to prison?_

She stopped counting her sips then, just chugging the bottle back until her throat burned too much and she had to cough. She stood up on shaking legs, waving from side to side as she tried to make her way to the bathroom. She hadn't had a drink in so long and she was definitely not holding her alcohol.

She blinked. When she opened her eyes she'd walk into a wall. She blinked. Her head hit the bathroom's door. She blinked. She was on her knees in front of the toilet bowl, hands gripping the edges. She closed her eyes again but when she tried to open them her eyelids felt too heavy so she allowed them to stay close. Her head felt too heavy as well, her whole body actually, so she allowed herself to fall and rest, her thoughts fading to swirling nothingness.

_________

Kara got home earlier than she had expected, she had walked from work at a quicker pace than usual though she wasn't sure why she was in any hurry, she wondered if it was because she was scared Lena had actually left or if she was still there. She felt guilty for not knowing which one she preferred.

Of course she wanted Lena to be safe and have a place to stay, but if they were just going to ignore each other or be pissed for four months...

She got out of the elevator and as soon as she approched her front door she could feel something was off. She didn't know what but it felt urgent. She hurried to unlock her door and almsot ran in when it was open. 

"Lena?"

Silence.

"Lena?!" A more desperate tone, frantic.

She looked around the living and kitchen for a note, anything. Nothing. Except the now almost empty bottle of Scotch. Kara muttered a ''shit" under her breath and went to the bathroom.

"Oh no, no no no, Lena-" She dropped to her knees, getting Lena's unconscious body to rest against hers, checking for any injuries. She was unharmed except for the small bruise growing on the side of her forhead and she was breathing steadily. She did, on the other hand, have traces of vomit in her hair and on her clothes.

"Lena... You idiot, why?" She stood up, holding Lena up by her shoulders, and carefully sat her in the bathtub. She took off Lena's clothes, nothing she hadn't seen before though this was definitely not how she'd picture undressing Lena again. Kara sat on the edge of the bath, gently washing Lena's raven hair. She pushed her forward so she could clean her back when she saw them. The bruises. The more Kara looked at Lena's body, the more she noticed.

Holding back tears at the sight, Kara finished washing Lena and dried her with the fluffiest towel she had.

"Mm msorry..." Lena mumbled, her head resting on Kara's shoulder as the blonde got her in some PJ's.

"Shh don't worry about it, it's okay." Kara said rubbing Lena's back though she wasn't sure who she was trying to soothe more, the brunette or herself.

"Msorry missed you," Lena mumbled again as Kara tucked her in bed, trying to ignore Lena's drunk, meaningless words. She offered a small smile instead, though her eyes were still filled with unshed tears.

She was about to leave Lena's side and go to bed herself, taking care of Lena had lasted longer than she'd thought and it was quite late already, plus the day she had at work made her exhausted, when she felt a weak tugging at her sleeve.

And there she was, with eyes barely open, clean and still moist hair, a small pout on perfect lips, the most beautiful person Kara had ever seen, whispering a shy 'stay', and how could Kara ever say no, even if she knew they would both regret it in the morning, that they would just break each others hearts again, for only a night together. But Kara was impulsive, and selfish, so she allowed herself to be pulled in her own bed.

They both layed on their sides, looking at the other, even if Lena looked like she was going to fall asleep anytime soon. One of them moved, or maybe they both did, but they found themselves in the other's arms. Lena had her head tucked in Kara's shoulder, her arms grasping the blonde like a lifeline. Kara's chin was on top of Lena's head, a hand in dark hair, the other soflty rubbing her back. A silent promise of safety.

At one point, one of them started crying softly, or maybe they both did.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey sorry this one took a bit longer, I had it started and almost ready to post but lost the whole thing so kinda lost my motivation for a bit, anyways her ya go!

When Kara woke up, she realized four things, one: she was so late for work, two: Lena was still grasping her tightly, three: she'd missed this, god she'd missed it, and four: this would never happen again.

That last one almost brought tears back to her eyes, but alas, she held them back. No need to cry about it now. Instead, she tried to wiggle herself out of the tangle of limbs they'd become, Lena's head still safely in the crook of Kara's neck.

She had almost freed her legs when Lena groaned, stirring and clutching her tighter, the blonde immediately stopping her movements. The thoughts of anything but Lena quickly vanished when the brunette raised her head, green eyes barely open, raven hair a mess.

"Lena..." Kara wasn't sure what to say. Apologize? What for? She felt the need to but wasn't sure yet why. Be upset? At Lena? Never. She never had to make her choice.

"No. Not yet, later. I just... I need this, so later? Please?" Kara nodded, she needed this just as much. So she held Lena tight against her again and allowed the feeling of home to wash over her again and guide her back to sleep.

_________

Lena wasn't sure how much time had passed when she woke up again. Alone this time, in a cooling bed, her limbs heavy and head feeling like it could explode any seconds.

_Great. She definitely hates me now. I really fucked it up this time, didn't I?_

Deciding it would be useless to stay any longer, she made her way out of bed and towards the kitchen, expecting a note from Kara telling her to be gone before she came back from work.

What she didn't expect was the smell of coffee. Coffee and pancakes. The pancakes only Kara knew how to make, the only ones Lena allowed herself to eat. And there she was, in her comfiest sweater and sleep shorts, softly singing _Hallelujaj_ under her breath, the sun's Ray's shining on her as if the star itself acknowledged that Kara was brighter than them.

Lena was about to turn around, go back to bed pretend she was still asleep, pretend she didn't just witness Kara poke her tongue out in concentration while she added another pancake to an already impressive stack, pretend this didn't feel like every lazy Sunday mornings they'd spend together, prentend this didn't hurt, because it did. God it _hurt so bad_.

But of course, Kara looked up and saw her right at that moment, a shy smile spreading on lips that Lena knew to be so soft and warm and-

"Hey, you're awake! I was just about to come get you, breakfast is ready," Kara said, putting the plate of pancakes on the table that already had coffee, orange juice and fresh fruits.

"Hey, morning, uhm... Aren't you supposed to be at work?" Kara hesitated, just for a second, but Lena knew her well enough to know what she was thinking.

_Great, first she helps you out so much, then makes you freaking breakfast and you say that like you don't even want her here._

"Wait, that's not what I-"

"I called in sick. I didn't really want to leave you here alone for today..."

 _To make sure I didn't empty more of your sister's alcohol and puke in your bathroom_.

"... To make sure you were okay."

 _Oh_.

"Oh... Right I'm-I'm sorry, for last night and, well everything." Kara sat down, looking anywhere but at Lena.

"Look, we'll talk about it all later, I promise, but for now let's just enjoy breakfast alright?" Lena nodded, not quite convinced and sat down. As agreed upon, they didn't talk much during breakfast, just touching breifly on Kara's work. The pancakes we're delicious as expected, although feeling bittersweet, though Lena suspected that was mostly herself.

The uncomfortable peace ended too quickly, and soon enough they were both sat on the couch, much further apart than really necessary.

"So..." Lena wasn't exactly sure what Kara wanted to talk about, except of course her drunk breakdown from the night before, but she did have one or two questions herself.

"Lena, what happened last night? I thought you'd be happy to be out of prison, so I don't get why you'd just... Do that..." Kara looked at her fiddling hands, "Is it to get back at me? To punish me for not trying hard enough against your mom or-?"

Lena hurried to interrupt her.

"God, Kara no, I'd never do that or anything like it to guilt trip you or anything, and I'm sorry for all the trouble that I've caused you, it's just, everything was just too much, you know? I didn't know what to believe, what to think. So I did what I know best to stop thinking and I ended up being a nuisance to you again..." Kara opened her mouth but Lena continued on, "Don't tell me I'm not, I ruined your night yesterday and your date the day before. But just, can I ask, your date, that friend from work, is she the girl from the bar the week after I got locked up?"

Kara sighed, looking down.

"Her name's Emma. It started out as just a one night stand, I was drunk, lonely and I felt useless, then it developed in a kind if regular hookup thing. I was just... Trying to get you out of my mind, and a while ago, she revealed she had feelings for me and I convinced myself I did too. I'm so sorry Lena," Lena shook her head.

"Kara it's fine, you don't need to apologize or convince me, you don't owe me anything, if you're happy then that's good enough for me."

"Lena-"

Just then, the front door opened, reavealing a fairly attractive red hair woman with eyes almost as blue as Kara's.

"Hey babe- oh..." She looked Lena up and down, "so you're the delinquent ex, huh?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also quick this about the chapter before this one, I kinda got inspired from some stuff I went through a while back so I out a lot of emotions into and I really loved reading all of you guys' comments on itso thank youuuu


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahahaha I suck at updating regularly :')

For a horrifying moment, no one said anything, they all just stared at eachother. Lena could feel her heart beat accelerating.

Too much.

"Right, I guess you're Emma then, pleasure, going to get some air. Good talk." She stood up and pushed by the still silent red hair in the doorway, ignoring Kara calling out to her.

She ran down the stairs not taking the time to wait for the elevator. She doubted Kara would come after her but nevertheless she didn't want to take the risk. And she really needed some air, ASAP.

Once outside she continued running for a bit, heavily breathing as much fresh air as she could. She stopped once she realized she'd made her way to the park the used to go to during summer weekends to lay on the grass by the lake, enjoying the weather and eachother.

_Shut up._

_She probably brings her here now..._

_Right._

_After all, I'm just the "delinquent ex" now right?_

Something clicked.

The way the words sounded.

Delinquent ex.

Like a nickname, an inside joke.

And who could've possibly come up with it but...

Kara.

_________

The more she thought about it, the angrier she got.

Kara who she went against her family for.

Kara, sweet Kara who wouldn't hurt a fly.

Kara who forgot her after a week.

Kara who she begged to get a longer sentence for.

Kara who most likely made fun of Lena with her new girlfriend, calling her the "delinquent ex".

Kara who was... Standing in front of her? In tears.

Lena looked up, fury still very much present in her eyes, only a small part of her concerned about the flow of tears from blue eyes. She scolded herself, why care about her now?

"Lena-"

"Is that all I am to you now?" Lena cut her off, knowing that if she allowed the blonde to speak, she could forgive her. "The delinquent ex? Your little inside joke?" She allowed venom to flow freely through her teeth.

"Lena, please it's not-" Lena stood up, face to face with Kara.

"So you did believe her then. Lillian, you ate up every lie she told you about me, didn't you?"

"No! Lena God no! Please just let me explain..." Lena kept on going, her tone staying sharp.

"Look me in the eyes and tell me you always thought I was innocent, tell me you know I wouldn't stoop down so low as to sabotage my family's own company." Lena waited. Her eyes still on Kara's. The blonde sighed in defeat.

"Lena it's not that simple..." She said in a low voice, scared. Lena, on the other hand, scoffed.

"Right, well you've said everything that needs to be said." She started to turn away, Kara's desperate voice the only thing stopping her.

"Lena, for once in your life sit down and listen! Please!" Lena knew she shouldn't, knew the minute she allowed Kara to explain she would forgive her.

She broke.

She sat down.

Kara breathed out in relief.

"They kept shoving evidence after evidence in my face. I knew it was all fake, especially due to the fact that most of them came with a paycheck, but then I started getting paranoid so I did my own research after weeks of being harassed by your mother and her people while you were awaiting trial. Lena I had no one to turn to, you were out of reach and I just... I didn't know what to do or what to believe. So one night I needed  answers, I looked at your transactions and... You had done a big payment, really big, and I couldn't trace it, I couldn't find who you had payed for what and it got me spiraling back in a mess of questions." She ran her hand through her hair.  "I never testified against you, even if you still hate me forever, please know I never did anything like that. But I have to know Lee, what was that payment?"

Lena laughed despite herself. Of course. Of course that one thing would be it. She couldn't even bring herself to be angry anymore. She was just... Done. Still she looked to Kara, answering dryly.

"Kara, that was a trip to Europe for us. I wanted to keep it a secret, that's why you couldn't trace it. I had been working on it for months before everything blew up." She swallowed a growing lump in her throat, still she forced herself to say it, not that it mattered now anyways.

"I was going to propose."


	6. Chapter 6

Lena turned on her heels and walked away, not giving Kara a chance to reply, not that there was much to say when all the cards were on the table. The blonde stayed glued to the spot, mouth agape.   
  
Lena wasn't going back to Kara's apartment, no way, so that left very little option. And she needed a drink, so her destination seemed quite obvious, though hopefully not to Kara. She couldn't deal with her right now, she couldn't deal with anything.  
  
_________  
  
"Holy shit Luthor, when did you get out?" Lena smiled, for a very long time she felt she'd done something right for herself.  
  
"Incredible what good behavior and a correct lawyer can do isn't it?" They both chuckled before hugging, holding the other tight.  
  
"It's good to see you, Lena."  
  
"Good to see you too, Alex."  
  
_________  
  
"So, what brings you here? And before you start, is this more of a strawberry ice cream or a whiskey kind of conversation?"  
  
"Alex, it's not even noon," The oldest Danvers stopped her rummaging for glasses, looking at Lena on the couch, she shrugged.  
  
"Your answer?" Lena sighed.  
  
"Fine, bring out the big guns, God knows I need it..."  
  
"Atta girl Luthor!" Alex joined Lena on the couch, glasses and a bottle in hand. She poured both glasses a very generous amount of the dark liquor, sniffing it before swallowing half its content.  
  
"Alex! This is some quality stuff, don't just chug it like some vulgar beer!" Alex just shrugged again.  
  
"So," she started, "you been to my sister's?"   
  
Lena took a sip.  
  
"That's where I'm supposed to stay at for four month till I'm deemed clean."  
  
Alex hummed around her glass in understanding.  
  
"Your turn," she said.  
  
"Didn't know we were taking turns."  
  
Another shrug.  
  
"Where's Maggie?" A sigh.  
  
"At her place."  
  
"Thought she moved in?"  
  
"Lots of things happened when you were gone, and it's my turn. Why you here if you're supposed to be at Kara's?"  
  
"Had the pleasure of meeting Emma."  
  
"Ouch, sorry Luthor."  
  
"Why'd Maggie move out?"  
  
"Would've been akward if she stayed considering we broke up..."  
  
"Shit, I really did miss a lot then, huh?"  
  
It went on like this for quite some time, Lena learned the reason that Alex and Maggie broke up and Alex learned all about Lena's prison experience. Until they were both a bit more than comfortably tipsy.  
  
"Okay okay, one last question, then we really need to stop drinking. Did you tell Kara you were going to propose?"  
  
"Yep, she said she'd been doubting my innocence because of that payed trip that she tried to track down but couldn't."  
  
"Seriously?"  
  
"Yep,"  
  
"Shit..."  
  
"Yep."

"You know who my sister reminds me of these days?"

"Mon-El?"

"Mon fucking El."

"Yep."

They stopped talking for a bit, sipping the last of their drinks and Alex went up and on surprisingly steady feet went to the kitchen to get them some water. She was filling up Lena's glass when the doorbell rang.  
  
"Hide?" She wasn't sure if Lena wanted to be seen or not. Lena just shrugged. After making sure that was her final decision Alex opened the door, a worried and red eyed Kara waiting on the other side.  
  
"Alex! Thank God, do you- wait, are you drunk? Seriously Alex again? It's -"  
  
"Five o'clock somewhere, hi Kara, what can I help you with?" Alex cut off Kara, her tone monotone, bored. Kara couldn't understand how that voice could be directed at her. The blonde sighed in defeat, her sister obviously was in no mood whatsoever for her usual anti-alcohol speech.  
  
"Is Lena here? She's supposed to stay at mine but we kinda had um, well not a fight but more like a talk that didn't end well, did she try to reach you, I'm starting to be worried it's been hours."  
  
"Nope, haven't seen her-" At that same moment Lena crossed the living room, walking slowly, in plain sight and clearly visible to Kara who stood there, eyes wide in disbelief. Lena made herself a coffee, once again crossing Kara's field of vision, stopping breifly to glance at Kara, and in all her drunken sophisticated class, blew at raspberry at the blonde.  
  
"-can't really call the cops though since she's supposed to be in your care, so sorry but I can't really help much but I'll tell you if I see her." Alex finished, the hint of a grin on her face. Kara, in her stupor, hadn't even realized she'd kept talking the whole time.

"Wait, what no Alex, Lena! I just saw you come on, please don't be like this, just come out here, please?"

"Alright, listen," Alex pushed Kara further in the hallway, and closed the door being the both of them, her smile completely gone and her eyes serious, "Lena needs a break, okay? She told me everything that's happened and it's too much for her, she needs to take a breath and collect herslef, but she can't do that with you around. She needs to figure everything out about you and everything. If you really care about her, give her a break and come back in a couple days to give her time to adjust without the pressure of everything. Okay?"

Kara sniffed, finally realizing how much she'd hurt Lena, she nodded.

"Yeah, yeah okay. See you then Alex, you guys take care of each other."

"Always" Alex told her as she turned around and left.

Alex went back inside to Lena who was grinning from ear to ear. Alex sighed and Lena stoped smiling. Alex explained the plan to Lena, who nodded, knowing she didn't have much of a choice.

"Thank you Alex,"

"No problem Luthor, I'm here if you need a couch to crash or a drink... Although Kara is still coming back and you guys are going to have to talk it out."

"Yeah, I know..."

"You gonna be okay?"

"Please, I'm still a Luthor."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this took for fucking ever! Sorry bout that, hope you guys like yada yada kudos and comments,   
> Lots of love

Lena spent four days of peace, four days of waking up at noon, showering till one, lazily watching shows on TV till 5, and preparing dinner for Alex and herself until the oldest Danvers came back. Monotone, uneventful, boring, perfect.

So of course, when the morning of the last day came, she felt quite apprehensive. She'd woken early, showered quickly, and put on her best armor in the form of makeup that Alex never used and actually getting dressed in something other than sweat pants.

She sat at the kitchen counter with Alex, enjoying their breakfast quietly. Lena sighed.

"Hey Alex?" The red hair looked up from her plate, mouth still full of eggs but eyes focused. "It's gonna alright, right?" 

Alex swallowed.

"Yeah, of course, you're just going to live with your ex, my sister, for four months and have a lot of very awkward talks about, mostly, her mistakes and how you guys can, if you want, try to move past it and slowly rebuild your trust." She smiled, Lena smiled.

The both burst in laughter.

"Oh yeah, this is definitely not going to be good."

"Nope, but at least you can come here anytime."

"Right,"

They stopped, just smiling at each other, and before they were realizing it, they were both leaning in. Maybe it was the fact that they were both happy and sober for once, maybe it was because they were both a little heartbroken, maybe it was because they were both a little lonely, maybe it was because they were both affection starved, hell, maybe it was fucking Maybelline, but they kissed.

Soflty-ish, hesitant, of course it felt wrong, but they couldn't care less, touch. It escalated quite quickly, the need for physical contact more urgent than the one for gentleness. Soon hands were on neck or in hair, teeth clashing, coffee spilled, and... The door opening.

"Oh." 

Oh was right.

There was Kara, in the doorway, and there was Lena, practically sitting on her sister, and there was Alex, with makeup that she never wore all over her lips.

"Oh."

Kara, being Kara, quickly excused herself and slammed the door shut, face as red as Lena's surviving lipstick.

"Well... That happened." Lena mumbled getting off of Alex and getting a sponge for the spilled coffee.

"Yep..." 

"And it's not going to happen again."

"Nope."

"Good. You should probably go clean up before you go traumatize your sister again."

"Yep."

"I'll go get my stuff."

"Sounds good."

Alex got a tissue, cleaned herself up, and went to the door. There was Kara, sitting in the hallway, looking blankly ahead.

"So..."


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of clarity with the whole Lena-went-to-prison debacle and Lena going back to Kara's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need love and validation in life

_19 Months ago._   


_"Lena Luthor, you are under arrest for corporate sabotage and illegal experiments, please follow us quietly. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law."_

_The rest of the officer's speech faded out to Lena's ears. This was it. This is how she went down. Her mother finally figured it out._

__________

_The day of the trial, Lena sat in her cell, waiting to be called to court. Her attorney had just left, sounding unsure. Lena couldn't blame him, against her mother she would never leave not guilty._

_"I won't lie. It's not great, at best you'll have to pay and lot of money to Luthor Corp; at worse, most of your belonging will be taken away, your savings too and you could look at nine months of prison. I'm sorry Lena." Her attorney had told her before he left to go talk to some one outside._

_The outcome was definitely not very ideal._

_Lena was stewing in her thoughts her the door of her cell opened, Lena looked up, expecting her attorney, or maybe, hopefully, desperately Kara, who Lena handy seen since her arrest. Instead, there was her mother, looking smug and content. She sat down, smiling at Lena._

_"Hello, Lena."_

_"Mother."_

_"I am actually quite disappointed, I was hoping for more than nine months of prison, but what can I do..."_

_"I am as disappointed as you, mother."_

_"Oh I highly doubt that, but now that I think about it, I can do something, or rather, you can. You will attempt to escape when the guards bring you to court, they're in it too so they'll say you knocked them out. With that you should at least get a couple more months." Lillian talked with ease and confidence, something that truly scared Lena of what she had planned._

_"Why would I ever do such a thing? You really think I'm that stupid as to just do as told?"_

_"Mm, stupid? No, sentimental? Definitely. So here's what going to happen, Lena. If you don't go along with the plan I have for you, I will destroy that foolish girl you call a 'girlfriend', and don't think I won't we both know what I'm capable of."_

_Lena stopped breathing._

_She wouldn't._

_But yes, she definitely would._

_That bitch would make Kara's life hell._

_"Don't you dare try anything to hurt her." Lena spat out between gritted teeth. Lillian's smile grew wider._

_"Or what? It's not like you have any power whatsoever now. But since you don't seem very thankful for the protection I've just offered to her, I guess I'll just take care of her then."_

_A knock on the door. The guards had come for Lena. Lillian stood up, walking to wards the door, her back to Lena._

_Shit_

_Shit shit shit shit_

_Lillian opened the door, the guards coming in, handcuffing Lena. Lillian's eyes never leaving her._

_Shit_

_No_

_No no no no no_

_Kara!_

_"Okay! Fine! I'll do it." Lena cried out as the guards began dragging her away._

_Lillian looked at her, a triumphant smile._

_"Well, now I'm not even sure you deserve it anymore, I've changed my mind."_

_Bitch_

_Bitch shit fuck no_

_Kara_

_"Please! Please, I'm- I'm begging you.... Please." Lena would not cry. She wouldn't give her another reason to smile, begging was already way more than that bitch deserved. But for Kara..._

_As the guards dragged her away, the last thing she saw was Lillian nodding to one of them._

___________

Present day

"Lena can we-"

"No." 

Lena slammed the car door, stepping out into the parking lot underneath Kara's appartment. She walked at a steady pace towards the elevator.

"I, just- why did you kiss?" Lena turned around quickly.

"Why do you care, you've got your girlfriend, your appartement, your money, your  _life."_ Lena stepped in the elevator as soon as the doors opened, slamming the button marked "3rd". "And while we're on the topics of whys and questions, why didn't you at least try to contact me, a call, a letter, something?! Why did you just leave me like that? Why did you forget me in one week? Do I mean so goddamn little to you?" Lena had enough, her voice booming in the claustrophobic elevator, resonating. Kara just seemed shocked, so little so... Scared. Finally, Lena stopped talking, leaving Kara to open and close her mouth again and again.

"I-I, your mother she, I couldn't..." 

"For fucks sake Kara... Stop blaming my mother for everything"

"You would've done the same thing in my place." 

And oh that was the wrong thing to say.

The elevator doors opened just as Lena saw red.

"You have no idea what I did for you! No idea how hard it fucking was! I begged! I begged her for a longer sentence, just so she wouldn't hurt you, because back then I thought you would've done that too, but I was fucking wrong."

They both entered the apartment as Lena finished. Tears threatening both of their eyes.

"You... I, what? Lena..."

"Just leave me the fuck alone Kara."

Lena went to the bedroom, closing the door, falling on the bed and crying in a pillow.

All Kara could do was stand in the living room in shock.

_________

The next morning, Lena woke up more exhausted than she had went to bed. She sat up, barely hearing the muffled voice on the other side of the door. She stood up and went to the door, opening it lightly. Kara seemed to be on the phone, with Emma, she guessed. She could hear Kara clearly but Emma's voice was too quiet to hear.

"I told you it's, it's complicated. I just think it's best if you don't come over for a while, I'll still see you at work it's just... Things are a bit delicate here."

_That's one way to put it._   


"No, Emma, please don't be like that..."

"What? What do you mean? I... No, of course I don't."

"I... I don't know, maybe... Probably..."

"I just need to figure it out, and anyway, she hates me..." Lena stepped away from the door, closing it gently, not making a sound. She went back to bed. She didn't know what was going on and frankly she didn't care.

_________

Kara hung up after saying goodbye to Emma. Things were definitely complicated, and Emma's question was not helping the matters at all.

_You still love her, don't you?_   


  


**Author's Note:**

> No idea how this is gonna go but hope you like, kudos and lots of feedback always appreciated (seriously please it helps me become less of a shitty writer)


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